Guarded Heart (Dubicki's) Read online

  “Do you like this?” he asked her.

  “Yes,” she urgently whispered.

  “Do you want me to touch you more?”

  “Yes… God, yes.”

  He quickly shimmied her panties down her legs and lowered his face into her sex. She was intoxicating to him. He gently touched the tip of his tongue to the head of her swollen clit, and her body responded with encouragement. She tasted so good. He eagerly let his tongue explore her wetness and found a rhythm that Carissa nearly danced to as she cried out with her need. As he was licking her, he settled his middle finger into her entrance. She was so tight. God, I don’t know if I am going to make it, this is so excruciatingly hot. Carissa grabbed the top of his hair and exploded into his mouth. Her body glistened with the heat that he’d just caused within her.

  “Do you want me, Carissa?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He took her hips and lowered her off the counter and took her back to the bench. He lowered his shorts and she gasped as she saw the tip of his member glistening with need for her. She bit her lip as she nodded at him and parted her legs in anticipation of him. He sat down and lifted her onto his lap, and she slowly lowered herself on to him. She groaned as she rocked herself up and down. His desire mounting, he took her off of him and turned her around to lean over the bench. She used her knees to raise her bottom in desire for his entrance.

  He thrust himself into her and placed his hands around her hips. There was a mirror right in front of the bench, and he could see the desire on her face as she felt him. It was so hot to watch her breasts rock back and forth with his thrusts, and he found himself losing control.

  “Carissa, I’m going to come,” he announced as he quickly pulled out of her and came all over her bottom and lower back.

  He gently toweled her off and collapsed beside her as he wrapped his arms around her. He’d never felt such desire, such need, and felt the need to hold on to her tightly.

  A few moments later, they both got their clothes on. Carissa seemed a little timid in doing so, and Jesse silently wondered why he’d let himself lose such control. The girl was fragile, and she was becoming more important to him with each moment.

  As he finished dressing, he walked over to her and opened his arms, inviting her into them.

  “Carissa, are you okay?” he gently said as he looked down at her.

  She still looked flushed, and he couldn’t’ tell whether it was from the sex, embarrassment, or regret. The sex had been mind-blowing, but it wasn’t worth taking their budding relationship back a step. He had to find a way to make it right.

  Carissa looked up at him, wiping her hair out her eyes as she said, “Jesse, that was amazing. I am a little taken aback at my own behavior. I don’t know what the hell came over me, and I’m worried of what you will think of me after that.”

  “Carissa, it’s not like that with me. Okay?” he said as he looked directly into her eyes to emphasize his sincerity. She looked down. “Carissa, I mean it. I know you aren’t like other women. That’s why I wanted to be with you in the first place. I need you to know that there is nothing you did or could have done just now to jeopardize what is between us to me. It’s me that’s worried that I did something I shouldn’t have because you’re not comfortable with it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost control.”

  “Jesse, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I’m just surprised. I’ll process this later; let’s just try to enjoy the amazing experience we just had, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “What’s next?” Carissa said, barely missing a beat.

  Jesse had a feeling they would discuss things later. For the moment, he just found it all the more endearing the way she was dealing with things. She was adorable. He could really fall for her.

  “Well, next we go out into the crowd of reporters and fans and make our way back to my truck. Are you ready for this?”

  “I guess so,” she said.

  He walked up to her and held his arms out to her. She let herself have a moment of security in his arms before the chaos that lie ahead of them, just outside those doors. As they parted, he reached his hand out to her; she grabbed it, and they walked out the door, hand-in-hand into a storm of screams.

  “Jesse!”

  “Jesse!”

  “Carissa!”

  “Jesse, how does it feel to have another victory under your belt?”

  Jesse stopped to answer a few questions while Carissa waited patiently behind him. She wondered how the public knew her name already.

  They made their way out to his truck a short while later. He agreed to drop her at home before the party at Dubicki’s that was customary after his fights. Carissa had an early shift the next day at the nursing home. They both agreed that there would be many other fights she’d be at and after-parties to go to with him. Jesse said he’d call her the following day after work, and they kissed as they said goodbye.

  Chapter 16

  Jesse felt on top of the world. He had just had a mind-blowing experience with his beautiful new girlfriend Carissa, and he’d won another fight which elevated his status in the overall rankings. He felt better than he had in a long time and felt like things were finally going his way.

  The parties at Dubicki’s after his fights were always fun. Whether it was just a few locals or a huge crowd that came out to celebrate his success, he felt so blessed to have so many people that were pulling for him and came out to show it. After having Carissa at the last party, he already missed having her there; he kept looking to see her by his side, forgetting she wasn’t there. His body still remembered feeling what it was like to make love to her, and he wanted to see her again soon.

  He was starting to wonder what he had ever done without her. How is that possible? He smiled in the realization that it was entirely possible that she was meant for him, and he grinned from ear-to-ear at the thought that might be true. He may be a badass MMA fighter, but he was starting to feel a streak of romance in his heart that he never knew he had. He thought of Carissa all the time. He knew she had an early shift the next day, but he couldn’t wait to see her again.

  “Little brother, you are so transparent right now,” Kelsey teased him.

  “Huh?” he said as if he were in another world and wasn’t sure what she’d said.

  “I can tell by the look on your face that you’re missing Carissa. Or do you have another girlfriend?” she said as she mussed his hair.

  “Hey!” he said as he took a step forward as if he might chase her. She emitted a small scream from her throat. They both knew he wouldn’t do it, though. Not only was the bar their business, she was six months pregnant, which had put a temporary stop to their antics. It didn’t matter how old they were, the roughhousing they did as kids always brought them back to a time when life was easier, and when they started it, they forgot all manners and where they were just like a couple of kids.

  “I barely have time for one girlfriend, let alone two. You know I’m not like that.”

  “Hi, Jesse,” said a familiar voice as both Kelsey and Jesse snapped out of their childhood reverie.

  “Haley?” they both said in unison, filled with surprise at the voice they both recognized from their childhoods.

  Haley Fox and Jesse Dubicki had been high school sweethearts. Their romance started when they were freshmen in high school. Jesse was on the wrestling team at De LaSalle, a Catholic High School in northeast Minneapolis; Haley had been a cheerleader for the wrestling team at Totino Grace, a neighboring Catholic school. Jesse had a victory the night that they met, which he still remembered was surprising since he could not keep his eyes off Haley cheering. He was mesmerized by her at the time, and since that first night they’d met, they’d been inseparable all their years of high school. They’d lost their virginity to each other and thought they’d be together forever. Then Haley’s family moved right after they’d graduated high school because her father got a job in a different state. They’d both been heart
broken, and Jesse thought he’d never see her again. It had taken him a long time to get over her.

  “Haley, it’s been a long time,” Jesse said as he worked at straightening the clothing that had gotten mildly disheveled when he’d been joking around with Kelsey.

  “Yes, it has,” Haley said with a twinkle in her eye.

  Jesse was still feeling a little shell-shocked. Seeing her again brought back the instant memory of the first night they’d met, as well as the heartbreak he’d felt when she left. The memory was bittersweet. Seeing her again was unexpected, and he had a bad feeling in his stomach. There was no other way to explain it. He had finally moved on, and he found it suspect that suddenly she appeared. All that time he had missed her and didn’t understand why she had left. He had allowed himself to move on, and suddenly she was back. It didn’t feel right to him.

  “What do you want, Haley?”

  “Well, for starters, I guess I was expecting a warmer reception, Jesse.”

  “Haley, you broke my heart when you left town. That was three long years ago. I would imagine you felt like you had to go, but you were old enough that you could have stayed if you wanted to. You never even gave me the chance to have a say in things. Never even told me you were going. I had to hear you left from other people, Haley. How is that okay?”

  Jesse stopped himself and took a breath. He could feel the anger in him for leaving the bubble up, but he had to let it go. He had a girlfriend now, and this was in the past. “It took me so long to get over you, and now I have finally moved on with my life. So yes, I want to know what you want and why you’re here.”

  “We have a daughter,” she suddenly blurted out.

  Jesse felt like he’d been punched; that might actually have been a relief compared to the confusion he was feeling.

  “What do you mean, Haley?” he said, clearly a pained look on his face.

  “Jesse, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have to tell you like this, but I found out I was pregnant right after we left town. We were already in Illinois, and when my parents found out, they wanted me to get an abortion. I wanted to come back to you, but they threatened me with everything short of disowning me if I came back here. They said you’d be better off if you didn’t know about the baby because we were both young and they were not moving back here.”

  She stepped forward and pulled up a picture of their child to show him on her phone.

  Jesse stared back into eyes that were just like his; she looked just like Kelsey had when she was a baby, only this child bore the dark features of her mother Haley. He’d thought to question whether or not it was his until that moment. He knew there was no question. “What’s her name?”

  “Violet.”

  “Violet. Huh. Violet what?”

  “Violet Fox Dubicki.”

  Thank God she had named our daughter Dubicki, he thought with a frustrated, but sudden, swell of pride.

  “What made you finally decide to tell me?”

  “She wondered why her other friends at daycare have daddies and she doesn’t.”

  “So it wasn’t your own conscience, but our daughter’s?”

  “No, Jesse, it’s not like that.”

  She walked toward him and put her arm around his back and talked to him like they were in a huddle. He stiffened but did not push her away. Yet. He clicked his jaw in frustration as she continued.

  “I’d never stopped loving you, but my parents were my support and I couldn’t just leave. Every day Violet grew more and more to look like you, and I just knew we had to be near you again. So I took a leap of faith and moved back here a few days ago. I had planned it for a while, and it took me a while to save the money because I did not have my parents support in making the move.”

  “Haley, I don’t’ know what to think right now. Obviously, I feel shell-shocked.”

  “I realize you must be, Jesse. I’m sorry. Do you still have the same phone number?”

  He nodded.

  “Okay, then I will text you some pictures of Violet. Would that be okay?”

  “Yeah, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t want her, Haley. I just have to absorb this information.” He rubbed his temples in an attempt to hold back the migraine he felt coming on. “You’ve known about her for three years, and I had no idea. That’s not fair on so many levels. I have always thought I’d have children but just didn’t imagine I’d have one this soon. I will do the right thing. I just need some time to process it all.”

  “I understand, Jesse. We rented an apartment in a duplex off 25th and Jackson; you have my number with the text. I’ll wait to hear from you.”

  She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek and lightly rubbed her hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch.

  “What was that, Jesse?” Kelsey walked up and quietly asked.

  “Trouble. She told me I have a child.”

  ***

  Carissa had gotten home and started to get her things together for the early morning shift. She hummed as she thought of Jesse while she did her busywork. She regretted that she had not been able to go with him to the after party and decided impulsively to take a drive up to Dubicki’s to see if she could say a quick hello to the family and say goodnight to Jesse. She loved his family. She always wanted a loving family and had never seemed to find it. She would be happy to have the Dubicki family as a surrogate family and considered herself lucky to know Jesse and his family.

  She got there and felt the butterflies in her belly that were becoming second nature to her the more she was around Jesse as she got out of her car and approached the bar. She could hardly wait to see her handsome boyfriend. Boyfriend. She loved saying that, even to herself. She’d never had a relationship with a boyfriend that she’d felt proud of.

  As she walked into the bar, it took her a minute to find Jesse, but she was tipped off by the look on Kelsey’s face from behind the bar. Carissa felt her stomach drop as she rushed around the corner to find Jesse in what seemed like an intimate conversation with another woman. The woman was beautiful. She had silky, long hair that was almost black, pale skin, and a body to die for. The body language between the two of them seemed like there was more to them than met the eye. She just stood and watched them for a minute, in part because she was too shocked to do anything else. She watched the girl put her arm around Jesse, and Carissa felt her insides tighten while her tears bubbled very near the surface as she saw the woman lean over and kiss him on the cheek. He didn’t stop her. She couldn’t watch anymore, in fear of what would happen next.

  She turned around with the tears starting to blur her vision. She had to get out of there, fast.

  “Carissa?” Kelsey jumped out from behind the bar and, seeing the look on Carissa’s face, noted, “It’s not what you think: Haley is an old friend of ours from when we were kids.”

  “Well, it looks to me like they were more than friends. I have to get out of here before I do or say something I’ll regret,” Carissa said as she wiped the tears that were beginning to fall from her face.

  “Do you want me to tell him you were here?”

  Carissa shook her head no but doubted that Kelsey would keep it from him. Those two were the tightest of the Dubicki siblings, she knew.

  Right then, she had to take care of her own needs and try not to worry about a man that she thought had cared and clearly was not man she thought he was. She didn’t even know why she’d bothered getting her hopes up. Men really were all just the same, after all.

  ***

  “You have a child together?” Kelsey asked, her tone escalating with drama as she said it.

  “Kelsey, would you keep your voice down? Watch it,” Jesse said, the irritation clear in his voice.

  “Sorry,” Kelsey whispered as she stooped down as if they might not be spotted if they shrunk under the bar.

  “I know. I’m just a bit shell-shocked right now.”

  “Well, I don’t want to make it worse for you, but Carissa just stopped in here.”

  “Wh
at? WHEN? Why didn’t she say anything?” Jesse was racking his brain trying to replay the details of what just happened since Carissa might have seen them.

  “She saw Haley lean over and kiss you, apparently. I think that she just sensed the connection between the two of you that she didn’t’ know was a former connection from a long time ago, and she didn’t want to stay to see what happened. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what it was, and I wanted to explain it to her, but she couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

  “Fuck! This night is going from bad to worse.”

  He started pacing.

  “I want to go find her, but I don’t know if I could keep the reason why Haley was here. I haven’t processed it myself, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to share it with anyone yet. I’m going up to my place and going to pour myself a shot of Jamison. I don’t know what the hell to think right now,” he said as he stormed out to his apartment. I’ll try to make it only a shot and not a fifth of whiskey, even though being numb is sounding very desirable at the moment.

  Chapter 17

  Thank God I don’t have practice today. Jesse was pretty sure he’d lose to whatever sparring partner came at him that day if he were fighting. He always had the day after a fight off, and, depending upon the level of the fight, sometimes he’d have a few days off. He didn’t have to go back until Monday, which meant he had the weekend off to sort things out.

  He was shell-shocked the previous night. How could things go from so amazing one moment to seem like they’re falling apart in the next? He’d had enough bullshit in the last year and a half since his dad had died. It was bad enough not having a mother growing up, but then his father died young, too. He was starting to think how short a lifespan could be if you were a Dubicki. He was suddenly more aware of his own mortality now that he had a daughter.